The Merit Brush poem

[mecurtin]

In Episode 23 they find an instructional poem about the Merit Brush. It goes:

知我罪我，
分功问过。
同声相应，
同气相求。
因势利导，
顺水流舟。
或跃在渊，
进退无咎。

The poem is written in a very old-fashioned classical style of 4-character lines, rhyming every other line. I'd like to translate this into rhythmic English verses that also rhyme every other line.

Current subs:
Some appreciate me, some criticise me.
Sharing the merit and questioning the sins.
Similar sounds echo each other,
Like attracts like.
Making the best of new opportunities
by pushing the boat with the current.
Choosing to soar or remaining in the deep,
there is nothing to blame by advancing or retreating.

solo's current version:
I know my crime,
I've shared my merit.
Similar sounds will echo,
Like attracts like.
Grasping opportunity
By going with the flow.
Leaping into the deep,
advance or retreat unpunished.

Zhao Yunlan is baffled, and asks Shen Wei to translate. SW says, "the Merit Brush's effects are determined by energy. It can erase the traces of dark energy used by Dixing people. It can even increase their power."

First of all, how does SW get this meaning from the poem? Our goal will be to create English verses that are poetically obscure, but which could possibly convey the sense SW explicates. Oh, and they should rhyme. *headdesk*

Comments

[riventhorn]

ooh, that's a tough one. Here's my shot at it:

Though sinners I dislike,
Those with merit I aid.
Sounds echo when alike,
Alliances are made.

Should good fortune call you,
You must go with the flow,
But if through skies you flew,
Or remained down below,
I would let you advance
Or retreat without woe.


Assuming the whole thing is from the perspective of the merit brush itself. The last four lines of the top translation puzzle me--I don't really understand what they're trying to get at with the flying or remaining in the deep, let alone the advancing and retreating bit.

Edit to add that I have No Idea how Shen Wei got what he did from it. If I was going to try and express his meaning, I think I would write something totally different from the translation!

[teaotter]

It sounds more like a riddle than a poem to me!

edit: People are made of a mixture of good and bad traits. The brush can't give you something that isn't already there, but it can enhance and draw out what you have (like calls to like).

Or, if you frame it differently, people are made of different kinds of energy. You can use the brush to enhance what people already have (go with the flow) or you can go high (Haixingren) or low (Dixingren) without harming them.

[dayadhvam_triad]

Haha, TPTB basically chained a bunch of idioms/quotes together. Here's my attempt, I translated while trying my best to keep the rhyme.

知我罪我,*
Heedless of praise or blame,
分功问过。
merit is conferred once weighed.
同声相应,
Sounds alike echo in kind,
同气相求。
Breaths alike ask with one mind.
因势利导,
Make the most of new moments,
顺水流舟。
Steer the boat along with the current.
或跃在渊,
Soar aloft or stay in the deep,
进退无咎。
Without wrongs advance or retreat.**

*From Confucius, recorded as "知我者，其惟《春秋》乎！罪我者，其惟《春秋》乎!" - aka something like '"[there will be] those who know me only because of the Spring and Autumn Annals! [there will be] those who condemn/fault me only because of the Spring and Autumn Annals!" but I believe what I do is right and valuable and therefore will continue regardless of others' judgment'
**From I Ching -- "或跃在渊，无咎" wrt "a dragon leaps into the sky or stays in the deep in accordance with changing circumstances that necessitate advance or retreat & won't lead to mistakes"; TPTB added in 进退 to make the meaning more explicit --> "或跃在渊 / 进退无咎"

[mecurtin]

That is *hilarious*. So Shen Wei got the correct interpretation, but only because he knows what these memes are all referring to!

[teaotter]

That makes a lot of sense!

[lunabee34]

This is a challenging project! Eeep.

[ranalore]

Taking a shot based on my sense of the translations provided by dayadhvam_triad, if not the literal meaning.

Some will praise or blame,
I know my merit.
Those who are the same
come forth to share it.
Seize every chance
to rise with the tide.
Assess circumstance
leap up or abide.

[solo]

Wow, that's really interesting. Thank you for taking the time to explain all this!

[solo]

I like this version a lot... do you think there's any chance of getting the sense of the 'without wrongs' into the last lines? I think it's quite important for the meaning that using the MB on people won't harm them.

[tinny]

awesome! <3

[ranalore]

Yeah, I've been mulling it over in my sleep, apparently, because I woke up with some tweaks. *G* Let's see how this one works.

Despite praise or blame,
I know my merit.
Those who are the same
in sympathy share it.
Seize every chance
to rise with the tide.
Assess circumstance,
in safety advance or abide.

ETA: Or maybe just: safely advance or abide.

[(Anonymous)]

Here is my fortune cookie-style take on it.

知我罪我，分功问过。
Confirm me or condemn me. I, the merit brush, deal out rewards and punishments.

同声相应，同气相求。
(Know that) Similar opinions echo one another, and kindred spirits seek out their own.

因势利导，顺水流舟。
(So) Make the best of the circumstances, and go with the flow.

或跃在渊，进退无咎。
(Then) Whether soaring high aloft or lying low in an abyss, one can make no wrong.

[mecurtin]

Thank you! But I think these lines are too long, for many people reading the English will take longer than the subs can be onscreen.

"Fortune cookie" is a great way of putting the style, though!`

[solo]

Great! So if it's okay with you, I'll put that into the ep 23 subs?

[ranalore]

If that's okay with me, she says, like that wouldn't be one of the coolest things ever!

(That's a yes, in case I wasn't clear ;-)

[solo]

Thank you kindly! :)