The Merit Brush poem

[mecurtin]

In Episode 23 they find an instructional poem about the Merit Brush. It goes:

知我罪我，
分功问过。
同声相应，
同气相求。
因势利导，
顺水流舟。
或跃在渊，
进退无咎。

The poem is written in a very old-fashioned classical style of 4-character lines, rhyming every other line. I'd like to translate this into rhythmic English verses that also rhyme every other line.

Current subs:
Some appreciate me, some criticise me.
Sharing the merit and questioning the sins.
Similar sounds echo each other,
Like attracts like.
Making the best of new opportunities
by pushing the boat with the current.
Choosing to soar or remaining in the deep,
there is nothing to blame by advancing or retreating.

solo's current version:
I know my crime,
I've shared my merit.
Similar sounds will echo,
Like attracts like.
Grasping opportunity
By going with the flow.
Leaping into the deep,
advance or retreat unpunished.

Zhao Yunlan is baffled, and asks Shen Wei to translate. SW says, "the Merit Brush's effects are determined by energy. It can erase the traces of dark energy used by Dixing people. It can even increase their power."

First of all, how does SW get this meaning from the poem? Our goal will be to create English verses that are poetically obscure, but which could possibly convey the sense SW explicates. Oh, and they should rhyme. *headdesk*

Comments

[ranalore]

Yeah, I've been mulling it over in my sleep, apparently, because I woke up with some tweaks. *G* Let's see how this one works.

Despite praise or blame,
I know my merit.
Those who are the same
in sympathy share it.
Seize every chance
to rise with the tide.
Assess circumstance,
in safety advance or abide.

ETA: Or maybe just: safely advance or abide.

[solo]

Great! So if it's okay with you, I'll put that into the ep 23 subs?

[ranalore]

If that's okay with me, she says, like that wouldn't be one of the coolest things ever!

(That's a yes, in case I wasn't clear ;-)

[solo]

Thank you kindly! :)