From what I've picked up here and there, this seems to be part and parcel of Chinese parenting?

Yeah, that fits with what I've picked up too.

I always feel that Zhang Shi might have taken Zhao Xinxi's odd lapses in vigilance here and there to surface and actually for once be nice to the kid, but that happened rarely and did nothing but give ZYL emotional whiplash. :(

I think if it had happened often enough to give him whiplash, he wouldn't react with such a definite "you are not Zhao Xinci" here? his